Motive: 2. The fracture of family

Women discover new maturity, instincts, attitudes and roles at every stage of their life span. However, in popular stereotypical beliefs, they are social caregivers; they also are custodians of the family’s cultural traditions. More recent financial predictions deem women, especially those from the underprivileged sections, as making significant contributions to world economics. And increasingly today, they are embroiled in disintegrating relationships that result in fractured families.

Change that is a constant of life is unsettling for the equilibrium of social units. It impacts their structural stability. It forces individuals and groups to reassess concepts and relationships. However, thought and action processes that need to suit the new environment often resist change. Conservative views of marriage and the family structure still hold in many societies, although divorce rates are on the rise.

The broken home is generally the result of ‘distractions’ from family responsibilities. Several studies indicate that economic affluence may be contributing to the distractions being followed through. Among them, extramarital encounters and substance abuse are frequent. While there is stereotypical suspicion of women stepping outside the home even for employment, it appears men more often utilize social status and resources to get away with feeding their habits, and to attract and initiate casual encounters.

Reporting on a study on preferences of males of different nationalities, Preidt writes in Businessweek:

Men are much more likely to seek and have casual sex than women, and are far less choosy about the looks of their sex partners.

Tabloids are rife with celebrity indiscretions; the tastes of the older age groups extending to age groups very much younger, taking advantage perhaps, of the breakup phenomenon. Yet cheating on the family may be rationalized as a biological need unconnected with love and affection – that boys will always be boys. In India, for instance, with dissolution of the marital union, the husband may garner more social sympathy than the wife. Especially if she has an independent work-life, her care-giving roles are questioned. Consequently, she is burdened with sole responsibility of children, and forced to precariously balance diverse priorities of work-life and home-life as best she can.

With the emerging trend of individuals de-linking their ‘freedoms’ from familial attachments, the traditional ideas of marriage and family become obsolete.  However, with centuries of conditioned learning behind them, women have clung to the past practices to define their identity and guide actions. The point is fractitious conflicts and unexpected upheavals take toll not only on the structure of family, but also on the development of its remaining members. The woman now at its head suffers the fatiguing effects of overwork and low self-esteem. The maturity, instincts, attitudes and roles the new generation adopts also shows lasting effects of the trauma.  

The absence of a father in the family impacts the children physically and psychologically. There are clear repercussions on them in terms of maturity, researchers Deardorff et al report. Girls attain puberty much sooner and the signs of early change, like with the voice, are also perceived in boys.

Quoting findings from the study on sexual development, Kathleen Doheny writes that girls of the “higher-income groups” are the most effected by the change:

Early maturation in girls is linked with emotional and substance use problems and earlier sexual activity. These girls also face a higher risk for breast cancer and other reproductive cancers later in life…

The study implies that the sheltered, affluent lives they have got used to make the girls less adaptable to adversity. These young women are more likely to be exposed to, and affected by environmental “toxins” – for example, the hormone-disrupting chemicals found in cosmetics. News reports show that attention to sex and substance abuse has driven further down the teenage pole. While “pill-popping” with prescription medication is a fun pastime at middle school levels, nubile girls may be lured into sexual abuse or take to prostitution willingly to keep up the rich lifestyle.

Although safety of children is a major concern, it appears that the parental understanding of possible risk is faulty. Parents may be stereotypical in visualizing influences on their children, hence slip up in risk assessment and in child protection. People bombarded daily with “worst-case scenarios” around the world over Internet and numerous television channels lose their sense of proportion, and awareness of dangers at home.

Lisa Belkin writes:

For instance, the five things most likely to cause injury to children up to age 18, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, are: car accidents, homicide (usually at the hands of someone they know), child abuse, suicide or drowning. And what are the five things that parents are most worried about (according to surveys by the Mayo Clinic)? Kidnapping, school snipers, terrorists, dangerous strangers and drugs.

Women heading the fractured family are at more of a disadvantage here because they themselves are under stress. Besides, they are sensitive to tacit social disapproval, and isolate themselves from social interactions. In anxiety and fear furthermore, they tend to become autocratic in demanding achievements of their children. The unconscious motive often is to prove their substance to the group at large; thence regain ‘lost’ social recognitions. 

Pressures on the children are manifold. They must cope with the breakup trauma, the dismal family environment, the standards of academics, and the intensity of interactions with peers and others, all at the same time. Teachers and parents blame their failures on distractions when, in truth, the children are preoccupied with preserving their own sanity in a cruel world. Some choose suicide as the only way to redemption.

The mother in the fractured family strives to win against the odds set by the man’s world. It might make more sense for them to eschew social competition and focus on innovations to help themselves get on their feet. Since the 'broken home' is an emerging phenomenon around the world, its knowledge base is also growing. Information on new research and new methods to cope are on the ’Net. Women need to break their isolation and seek new support systems to shore up courage to face the challenges. An awareness of their built-in adaptability to change would gain them the self-reliance to build their children a secure and happy home.

References for this post:

1. Doheny, Kathleen “Absent Father Might Mean Earlier Puberty for Higher-Income Girls” businessweek.com. Bloomberg Businessweek. HealthDay. September 27. 2010. 
2. Discepolo, John and Komo Staff “Pill popping sends 9 Bremerton kids to hospital” seattlepi.com. Seattlepi. Hearst newspapers. September 22, 2010. 
3. Belkin, Lisa “Keeping Kids Safe From the Wrong Dangers” nytimes.com The New York Times. September 18, 2010. 
4. Preidt, Robert “When It Comes to Casual Sex, Men Aren't So Picky” businessweek.com. Bloomberg Businessweek. HealthDay. August 17, 2009. 

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