Face from the past

In India, labour is cheap. Householders are able to hire domestic help and for many, these numbers are a status symbol. Women are beginning to have time on their hands. Some use it to enjoy the luxuries of affluence while others seek employment themselves to further the family economy.

Immigrant women and those in the mother country are thus faintly competitive with one another. One group is envied for the ‘luxury’ of cheap labour in the house. The other is envied for citizenship in the land of gadgets in plenty. To each, the grass on the other is far greener.

As a recent survey seems to show, despite emancipation, women today are not really as happy as they have expected to be.

Work is priority for the men in all cultures. Women have sought to be at par with men in the outside world. But they have been unable to shake the yoke of household responsibilities that still is solely theirs, even in plenty.

Women find it hard to balance home-life and work-life. Eventually the (immigrant) women feel forced to choose the home. It is a wrench for some mothers to give up their careers. The choice rankles, because they feel unsupported by traditions of the past, their men-folk and by their organizations to continue employment.

Still they sacrifice their own present for their children’s future. Hence there are comparatively few ‘latchkey’ kids in the immigrant community. If non-American born scholars are taking the honours at American institutions, it is because of, especially their mothers ensuring that the youth don’t become “delinquent”.
The success of the immigrant woman can be attributed to their support group, and the support is powerful. This is ‘sisterhood’ is uniquely with others in the minority community.

Among the immigrants, women step in to help one another in every possible way to ensure that the household runs smoothly and the children are adequately supervised. At parties, the invitees contribute with cooked dishes, sharing the kitchen burden between them.

I’m reminded of the elephant community where the newborn calf is surrounded by several mothers – its own as well as surrogates. In this circle of influence, the men usually remain on the fringes.

In Florida, we met with some members of the ‘sisterhood’. Esther is a pillar of strength for her friends in the circle. She herself is the mother of four, all of whom are now established in life. She has an ‘empty nest’ at home, but she fills it periodically with guests of her friends, and she looks after them as if they were her own.

But she is not constrained by the network of which she is such a prominent node. Esther is a ‘connector’. She is member of other circles too – like in a diverse group of women that gets together every week like a ‘kitty party’, not to gamble but to create little pieces of art, quilting and beading.

Quite by chance we discover a Kolkata connection - we went to the same school so many years ago. Time has made changes so we couldn’t recall each other’s faces but we remembered common friends, teachers and incidents that occurred then. And yes, she is still in touch with many of the characters I could remember! A face from the past sometimes brings great joy.

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