Social: 4. The reclaim of self-esteem

It is common knowledge that women in traditional regions face major social disadvantages. The feminine struggle for equality in more developed regions is thought to be comparatively minimal.  However, with the Internet dispensing information at runtime about events happening around the world, we discover that social practices in differing cultures may not be quite so dissimilar.  For instance, the inequality that has existed between women and women in the traditional East now seems to be finding its way into the liberal West.

The SlutWalkers movement was ignited in Canada by a police officer’s implication that women are victimized because they dress like sluts. It has injected new life into a feminism that has appeared politically moribund in the post-feminist era. Social networking now spreads awareness and solidarity across continents, with demonstrations in major cities of the Americas, Europe, Asia, and Australia making clear that these women have had enough.  

They have taken to the streets in thousands against the stereotypes that blame the victims of abuse for the abuse. The placards point out that “little girl clothes don’t make a paedophile” (excuses for rape having included the sound of women’s footfalls on the pavement). Fact is many men rely on tacit social support to help them evade “responsibility for their own urges”.  Their power over others is offset by their lack of individual self-control. 

Other women, wives and mistresses, assist in perpetrating the practice as the price of their social privileges. These women fight tooth and nail to preserve the patriarchal status quo and their chains, admiring how becomingly they sit.  Self-esteem for them then rests on gender-centricity.  Epstein, who confesses she cannot resist flirting with her son’s age-group as well, writes:

I think flirting at my life stage is, inherently, an issue of self-esteem. A way of believing we remain attractive to men in the light of advancing middle age. A way of flagging up the ‘I’ve still got it’ message. … Indeed, I flirt far more than I ever did in my 20s — it’s a celebration of being far more comfortable in my own skin.

The demonstrating women would perhaps beg to differ with the outlook. The cloying dependence on male approval may instead portray an unhealthy self-esteem. Flirtation has been the ‘safe’ social pastime through generations. But beyond social boundaries, women are expected to remain passive receptacles of tradition. They must toe the patriarchal line to gain their privileges.  Men’s social learning over the same generational time has been that women say ‘no’ when they mean ‘yes’ simply to be dominated.

The double standards of society pressure women to attract men, and yet to remain chaste.  Women are expected to please men, but are called sluts should they choose to please themselves. Dependent women tend to readily apply derogation to describe women not quite like them - just as they would sex workers.

Women of talent, mothers who chose education and/or employment over the traditional dependence, are also socially demeaned. For instance, Kate McCann, whose 3-year old daughter Madeleine was abducted during a family vacation, became the target of hate because her lifestyle did not adhere to the social expectations of motherhood.  Her appearance and successful medical practice perhaps confirmed the stereotype that somehow she was to blame for the crime that befell her family.

Jardine reports:

Men and women have accused Kate, a part-time GP, of being a bad mother and worse, while Gerry, her cardiologist husband, has had a relatively easy ride. Her critics may chiefly wish to reassure themselves that such bad luck could never befall them, but their venom suggests a lingering prejudice against working mothers, especially those who dress neatly, express themselves crisply, go to church and jog in order to keep up some semblance of normality amid emotional chaos.

Some authors have viewed the moral policing of young, attractive, and independent women as sexual harassment.  Marcotte believes that the prurient attacks may be politically motivated. She writes:

Every picture of you available becomes the new Zapruder film, examined endlessly for some tiny detail that could be used to claim you're a slattern, a girl gone wild, a despicable flirt who can't be trusted not to sleep with every man who isn't a rightwing blogger. If you recede from the public view in response, you're accused of hiding something. If you face down your accusers, you're accused of being an attention whore.

Others point out the social hypocrisy runs across the board - in public denouncements of ‘deviant behaviour’ that power group members of all fields secretly indulge in.  When the infidelity is exposed, the individual recourse is to seeking public sympathy, professing great love for the wife they betray and family ideals. Even when the evidence proves overwhelming, the ‘stud’ continues to be socially more acceptable than the ‘slut’. All the women in the equation are but pawns in the organized misogyny. 

The SlutWalkers wear their attitudes like second skins. In many cities, groups of men watch in silence as the demonstrations sweep by – some also join in the march.  The objective of these women is to re-claim words that now have debasing connotations attached.  For instance, the keyword ‘slut’ originally denoted a dirty, untidy appearance.  The meaning of a woman of loose character developed from the 1920s onwards. Wescott explains why:

This was just after the end of World War I. Women had gained independence, this might have frightened men because women were encroaching on areas they used to dominate. Women were going out, they were drinking and they were being referred to in a derogatory way.

More than anything else, the present movement perhaps shows up the growing divide between women and women.  Like the hostile mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dyads rampant in traditional regions, there is no sisterhood between the rival groups. Jones holds that there is  a definite difference of class between feminine groups that goes beyond social positions. She writes:

…the brown, over-manicured young women who weren’t on yesterday’s march, who were half a mile away schlepping in and out of Primark and H&M, might as well have been a million miles away. … women who have only been taught to shop till they drop will, if not be raped, put up with low-paid jobs and expectations, domestic abuse, bad relationships, debt.

The SlutWalkers dress outrageously only because it makes them feel good. They are independent beings that ride high on self-esteem, and the power to self-actualize. And yet they retain awareness of their global citizenship, having also marched in protests against the ‘freedom’ wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. 

Jones writes:

The exposed thighs of the London sluts are the only things that unite them and the young women who dress like hookers to visit the nightclubs and shopping malls of Britain. The slut walkers, with their black clothes and gothic make-up, are well educated and fiercely super-confident young women raised by middle-class mothers to expect everything they want from life. They take no prisoners.

Dines and Murphy are however, critical of the new feminist drive to reclaim words. They believe that the social barriers to doing so are insurmountable, and the attempts to break through change-resistant beliefs are ill-advised. They write:

The organisers claim that celebrating the word "slut", and promoting sluttishness in general, will help women achieve full autonomy over their sexuality. … The term slut is so deeply rooted in the patriarchal "madonna/whore" view of women's sexuality that it is beyond redemption. The word is so saturated with the ideology that female sexual energy deserves punishment that trying to change its meaning is a waste of precious feminist resources. ...Women need to find ways to create their own authentic sexuality, outside of male-defined terms like slut.

I should think that gender hostilities add similar connotations to other references to women. Words do not start out with prejudiced attachments but developed them over time. ‘Diva’, for instance, derives from the Italian, meaning  ‘goddess’ or ‘fine lady’ or even ‘prima donna’ opera singers.  In some Western cultures though, the word’s strongest association now seems to be with immoral, scantily clad performers. 

I had the original ‘goddess’ meaning in mind when I chose the pen name The Diva to write under in a regular magazine column.  Some years later, I was surprised to find that more women than men within the organization were affronted by the usage, and hence set about actively opposing its continuance!

In a global forum, what might be the solution? Do women bow to social dominance of connotations in certain cultures, or do they highlight meanings that make the most sense to them, which also work well elsewhere? Are definitions the prerogative of the adherents of organized patriarchy, or do all women have the right to contribute to the development of meaning in language? I ask you!

Fact is there is no guarantee that new words introduced into the vocabulary will indeed remain connotation-free. Any of them can soon become a euphemism to carry forward the same old social meaning. The women might be left running around in circles to find newer words to denote their sexuality that are untouched by prejudice. Thence, reclaiming words seems appropriate.

However, the concerns of the authors also cannot be denied. Dines and Murphy believe that exposing the social myths about women is more important. They caution that:

 … the label [slut] has dire consequences including being blamed for rape, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and self-mutilation.

Indeed, a goal of “promoting sluttishness” could prove counterproductive if the process entails the destruction of entrenched moral values. Women cannot forget their responsibility to future generations. Nor can individual women of closed, collectivistic cultures afford to choose reactance over reason, and thus jeopardize their personal safety.

In Germany, for example, family members quickly ostracize the Turkish Muslim model that sought to liberate from the “slavery of her youth” with a Playboy photo shoot. Accused of shaming the religion selling out to the West, she receives death threats from the men, but no public support from peer women of the community, also for whom perhaps she acted as she did - “very brave or very stupid”. 

Feminism needs to be proactive to make an impact, its focus being the reclaim of self-esteem for all women. Perhaps an assertive approach through the sustained voicing of convictions/dissent through social networks is required to ensure an exponential spread of the message. Women around the world need to believe emphatically that they are capable of the independent thinking necessary to facilitate social change.

References for this post:

1. Bell, Sarah. “Slutwalk London: 'Yes means yes and no means no'” bbc.co.uk. BBC News. 11 June 2011.
2. Denvir, Daniel. “Are we not, like Anthony Weiner, caught in a web of desire?” guardian.co.uk. The Guardian. 10 June 2011. 
3. Dines, Gail, and Murphy, Wendy J. “SlutWalk is not sexual liberation” guardian.co.uk. The Guardian. 8 May 2011. 
4. Epstein, Angela. “Hello handsome, want to hear the confessions of a compulsive flirt-a-holic?” dailymail.co.uk. The Daily Mail. 10th June 2011. 
5. Hall, Allan. “Fanatics fury at Muslim Playgirl” thesun.co.uk. News. The Sun. 27 April 2011. 
6. Jardine, Cassandra. “Kate McCann: Why didn’t they believe her?” telegraph.co.uk World News. The Telegraph. 09 May 2011. 
7. Jones, Liz. “Class is the real problem, sisters - not slutty clothes”  dailymail.co.uk. The Daily Mail. 12th June 2011. 
8. Marcotte, Amanda. “How 'sex scandal' is sexual harassment” guardian.co.uk. The Guardian. 1 June 2011. 
9. Westcott, Kathryn. “Why is the word 'slut' so powerful?” bbc.co.uk. News Magazine.  The BBC. 9 April 2011.